The Old Coot checklist

One thing about being an old coot is you do a lot of writing. Notes on the refrigerator: “Get milk!” – “Don’t forget garbage tonight!” – “Today is Friday!” Those sorts of things. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. The big list is the “check-list” we go through before leaving the house. 

It’s more extensive than the ones airline pilots use before taking off. Mine is too large to fit on the refrigerator. It’s fastened to the wall next to the backdoor.

1. Is you shirt buttoned correctly? The buttons in the correct holes?

2. Is your sweater on backwards?

3. Put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you start to go off on a diatribe about the good old days!

4. When you walk down the sidewalk, remember to try to walk in a straight line, not your normal serpentine route! CONCENTRATE!

5. When you see your reflection in a mirror or a store window, don’t gasp any scream, “Who is that guy!”

6. If you hear yourself saying, “I used to…” snap the rubber band on your wrist and stop yourself. (I’d tie a string on my finger as a reminder like I did when I was a kid in the 50’s, but I can no longer tie a knot using one hand and my teeth.)

7. Slap your face every time you hear yourself say, “Ouch!’ or “Oops!” out loud.

8. Listen for the sound of the turn signal when you drive on the highway so you won’t travel in the passing lane for hours with it blinking. It gives your generation a bad name.

9. Can’t remember nine.

10. Take the memory pill. 

11. (On and on it goes, too much to list here.)                                                         

The problem is, I forget to go through the list most days. I guess I need to stick a reminder on the fridge, as soon as a blank space opens up.
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